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what a poignant and open post. thank you for your honesty with yourself and the world... it is touching and i wish i could say more.

I'm so very sorry... it must have been (and continue to be) so hard. I have a friend who had a very similar experience and I know she felt trapped - because either decision (termination or not) was going cause much pain and suffering - for the child, her husband and herself. She ultimately decided to terminate the pregnancy.

You might find this woman's story interesting/comforting:

(Read her "about" page and her "best reads" for her son's story).

You are a very strong woman to have shared your story with us. Embrace that strength.

What a story. My heart goes out to you all.

Thank you for the gift of your story. Yes, it truly is a gift when mothers can share their grief. Each one of us has our own grief, and our own triumphs. And the act of sharing is an act of healing.
You also opened my eyes to something I had previously not considered...the pain my husband may be experiencing of his own. I realize now how selfish I have been in my suffering, not to think that he has his own emotions on the matter. Thank you for helping me to realize this. Hugs.

Thank you for sharing your story. I will hold you and your family in my thoughts.


This is such a brave, honest and beautifully written post.

how brave you are to post this. thank you. i can relate very much to your qualified? conflicted? belief about starting sooner versus later, i feel the same. but im 36 now and have started to question why i wait and continue to wait. what you've written will help to focus my internal questioning and i am certain there are many women who have been helped by your post and for whatever reason didn't comment. so, on their behalf and mine, thank you thank thank you thank you.

Thank you for sharing your story. I too, had my first living child at 41. This year (at 42--I would have delivered at 43) I lost my son, Daniel in the second trimester. I was offered and did CVS testing, and found that my son was chromosomally normal. It was such a relief to finally begin to share the news of our joy. Cruelly, I lost our son two weeks later due to an infection I contracted as a result of the test. As in your case labor was induced as the infection threatened my life. I went through a hellish delivery and then had a D&C to remove the placenta. Our son was 14 weeks. I live every day with the grief and pain, and almost unreasonably fear the loss of my daughter. My heart goes out to you.

Bravo, Janet.

I gathered there was a sad story in there, but didn't feel comfortable asking you about it. So I'm glad you've shared it here. I can only imagine your pain, which many others in similar situations must have experienced too. Thinking of you this September.

An exceptional post and utterly heartbreaking. As a parent, you have lived through the very nightmare that haunts every pregnant woman (and father-to-be). I can't imagine what that feels like except to say that it is such a painful possibility that like looking at the sun I can hardly bear to even think about it for more than a moment. Knowing my own reluctance to think about it I can imagine the dreadful, insensitive silence that must greet those who have to live through it. I appreciate your incredible generosity and courage in writing your story, it must be excrutiating to re-visit it but it was amazing to read it.

"It isn't exactly guilt that I feel but more a deep sense of wrongness. I have learnt to sit with the wrongness, which like the grief is mostly buried inside and covered with stone. Only every now and then it all still hurts all over again." - you reminded me of something I learnt about abortion counselling, "you're not making the right decision, you're making the best decision you can with the information you have in the situation you're in.. and making the best decision won't necessarily feel good because making a sad decision feels sad".

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