muppinstuff

heading towards the darkest night

Last week it seemed like I was out nearly every night. Lots of things happening but of course, little time to blog about any of them. Tuesday night was a Friends of Coburg Olympic Pool meeting, Wednesday night the Moreland Council meeting, followed by drinks and then a walk home in the eerie night light. Thursday night was a delightful dinner out with my old mother's group and although I didn't bring my camera at the restaurant, I sat in the car at home afterwards and looked at the lights coming through the rain and it looked like some sort of heavenly disco. And I hadn't had a drop to drink. Not one. The other big event for the week was a friend's 40th birthday party. Very sparkly and fun. I must say, in many ways, I enjoy parties much more now as an old fart than I ever did when they were a regular feature of my life.

 

I'm really enjoying taking pictures at night at the moment, especially with my new wide aperture high ISO approach. Which is just as well because I feel like I don't have all that much spare daylight time right at the moment. Normally at this time of the year, I start to feel winter close in on me. It's dark when I leave work, the washing's a hassle, our house is damp, dark, cold and starts to get a musty smell that I'm sure would be much improved if the landlord fixed the guttering and water didn't pool under the house. Some years the winter grimbliness has been extreme. But not this year. Instead I feel quite light inside. I'm not sure whether it's more because it hasn't really been all that cold yet or more to do with the feeling that lots of good things have been happening in my life. The knowlege that this is the last winter we'll spend in this house has helped. And that that I'll be bidding farewell to the disgusting carpet that I've tried my best to ignore for 17 or so years.

Then there's the purple pills to consider. I have to say, that after some issues at the beginning, I've grown to really, really like the purple pills and the calm they bring to my life. It's really hard to explain the difference they make, but it's a relief not to be tossed between the up and the down. I still feel like me. Even if I sometimes do miss the inner drama of the unmedicated me. Feeling better and acting better has also meant that parts of my life that felt out of control before have started to mend. There seems to be a multiplier effect about the process of getting better that kind of mirors the downward spiral I suppose. What I mean is that once a few things start to get better, there's a flow on effect and more and more starts to improve and before you know it you wake up one day and realise that you don't feel like shit anymore, but actually life is pretty fine. Not that everything is perfect, we still shout at Grace when she's naughty for the umpteeth time in an hour and I still eat too much chocolate and not enough broccoli.

short and sweet

The Moreland council meeting on Wednesday night was overrun with people wearing crazy hats, zinc cream and vintage bathers. There were plastic pools, towels, toys umbrellas and kids running everywhere. I'm still feeling buzzed! Read about it here.

Have figured out a new approach to taking indoor and outdoor night shots. Very wide aperture and high ISO. Which does kind of makes sense, der. Aperture is my current learning curve. Probably need to adjust my white balance, but now I do have an approach.

* * * * * *

And the other day, Saha posted a beautiful, elegant version of bluemilk's feminist motherhod meme. Go and read what she has to say. Please. 

of cows and clouds

I do believe I may have a type of bloggers block. Ye olde compose fantastic posts in my head but unable to write them down sort block. Or perhaps, afternoon naps on languid afternoons and telly on balmy nights are seducing me into idleness. Although I have started purging our possesions again; there's possibly a car load to go back to the opshop piled on the verandah. Yep. And when I can get to my computer, I've been working on my photos and wondering why I take so many. Like with material clutter, it takes me ages to sort through them. I'd like to have an easy knack of keeping only the really, really good ones, but that must take a relentless discipline. A bit like people who have a capsule wardrobe of perfect matching outfits that fits into a small suitcase. That they update and maintain in a measured and planned way. Sigh.

So anyway, the beach holiday feels a long time ago. Life has slotted back into the Melbourne groove. I was going to show you some cows and clouds, and talk about this and that, but I've forgotten exactly what so I might just move right onto the craft weekend. It was excellent. And this time, I remembered to take my sewing machine pedal. The great plans I had of sewing many outfits didn't exactly come to fruitition, but some things take longer than you expect. And really like always, the best part of all was the company of fabulous women; Sooz, Suse, Di, Lauren, and the blogless but just as fabulous Cath, Jody, Maria and Stephanie. Working and talking, looking at fabric and yarn, eating fantastic food (extra special mention and gratitude here to Maria, who spent most of Saturday cooking - as her craft!).

 

As for the crafting, I finished the doll's quilt that was going to be my holiday handsewing project until I worked out that I don't enjoy hand quilting. Dolly also had some new stuffing inserted and received a new outfit. A dress and some underpants (something I'd like Grace to aspire to). Anyway both the outfit and the quilt have been very well recived. I'm also halfway through a top for me, from some quite nice Nana silk I bought at the opshop last year. Hopefully I'll finish it before Christmas. While we're on matters craft related, I was kissed by the Craft Fairy just before we went away and received a package of some lovely fine cotton yarn. Thank you Craft Fairy! I'm yet to work out a project for this, but maybe I should have a go at some knitting? My knitting is very basic, but I have to learn sometime. I think this would be nice to knit with? As opposed to crochet, which would also be nice.

Coming home from the craft weekend was the end of my big holiday. It was hot. So hot that going back to work was almost a relief.  And evenings were spent in the heat battling (or giving up) the hundred and one things that take up your time when your computer has had all the programs reloaded. Like learning a newer version of my photo software, just when all I really wanted to to do was get my photos done. In the heat. Oh, I could have cried. As it turns out, once I started with the new program, I realised it's way better than the old one, no more using photoshop just to straighten a horizon line. Have also had to get Dad to help make my outlook work again, what no address book? Anyway it's all done. I'm back online. Properly. Now I just have to figure out why the Flickr uploadr isn't working well like it used to. I tried the new version, it kept crashing and when it worked, was very slow. Which is a pity, because it looks quite the business. So I went back to the old one, which is having issues I've never had before. And why the Feedburner email subscription form isn't working properly on the pool site. There, that'd be a list almost... I do belive the block is gone now.

And it's raining. Real rain !!! With thunder! There's a whole lot of washing on the line, but who cares?! Rain....

the light hits the mirror

Some time around 8.00pm, for a few weeks in midsummer, some of the last of the light streams into the study which faces south west. It hits the rear view mirror on G's desk (for keeping an eye on Grace when she's playing on mummy's computer).

The light then bounces across the room in a big wide circle, like a giant projector. We're often in here at this time because it's just after Grace goes to bed.The effect is quite magical and only lasts for ten minutes or so.

In other news I drove for the fisrst time in several weeks today. Just down to the supermarket and later to the pool with Grace. Starting to feel much better but having one more week off work. Just to make sure I've caught up on all my sleep. Hooray.

It's fecking hot. Will correct spelling mistakes tommorrow after the cool change.

reviewed and resolved; and a bit about jam and the weather

It's been stinkin' hot here. Yesterday it was 43C (that's 109F) and emerging from the comfort of mum's car was like walking into a fan-forced oven (at the temperature for merringue?). Yes, we went shopping, Victoria Gardens. Fewer shops, much less crowded than Highpoint, but with Ikea.  I love Ikea and it's so very seductive. At the end I had to sort through the trolley and decide whether I really needed another cutlery drainer. Spent an appalling (for me) amount of money on baskets, kid room storage, tin bowls and other faffery. Useful faffery, which makes it OK on occasion and last time I was pregnant with Grace. So it's all good.

Last night it only got down to 37C (99F),and as the Bureau of Meterology said, it was an oppressive night. So not much sleep for me. Luckily I made apricot jam the other day, when it was just hot, not ridiculously hot. I used a new method and am absurdly pleased with how it turned out.

There are now twenty jars of jam in the cupboard, which was my freaky jam making goal for this summer. If I make some yellow plum jelly, I'll exceed my own expectations, which would be quite nice at present. So anyway, for the reviewed and resolved, new year type stuff, I'm only going to talk about the good stuff. The other stuff, that's too dour a way to start a new year.

Looking back at 2007, I'm pleased about:

• Learning to use DSLR camera my Dad gave me. There's a life time of learning to be had there, but I've made a good start.
• Putting my photos on Flickr. Eventhough I don't have time to comment and browse much, uploading a couple of times a week has gotten me in the habit of working through all the photos I take as I go. My filing and archiving systems are also better now. The thought of thousands of unedited photos clogging my hardrive gives me the shudders.
• Getting through most of the year at work, some of it nearly full time and mostly being genuine and compassionate with customers. Improving my skills and knowlege, including developing expertise in a particular field. All the time working within the legislative framework. Obviously I can't go into too much detail, but I'm giving myself a rather big pat on the back here.
• Changing our routine at home so we always eat dinner at the table together. This bowls me over, we didn't do this all the time when I was a child. I remember wanting to and my instincts were right. Sometimes it's hard eating with a two (and three quarters) year old but mostly it's great. It forces us to stick to a sensible dinner time and we groove out to music and chat. Our cooking has improved too.
• Blogging. Somewhere to offload, debrief, be shallow, think about things in more detail. I've truly come to love this form of writing. It's bought me back to words and enriched my inner life in a way I never expected. It's also been a great community for me. And I've met lots of lovely ladies in person. Who'd a thunk it? Details; here, here and here. So to everyone who's been a reader, commenter or casual lurker, thank you.

In 2008 I'd like to:

• Do another photography course. One specially aimed at DSLRs, including a photoshoot. If anything, doing a course sets aside dedicated time for learning about my camera. The last one was such a buzz.
• Make another calender for Christmas.
• Buy a house. Not just any house but one that can become our home and not split us asunder in the process.
• Start working towards another form of income for the future. Something more freelance. I'm thinking about writing books (ideas for children's fiction and adult non fiction), small business commercial websites, a way for G to sell his woodwork maybe. Not starting a new business. Realistically, that's going to be too hard alongside working, buying a house and making said house livable, but just sampling some ideas here and there. Trying things on, seeing how they fit.
• More waterplay. Perhaps swimming as excercise for me during summer. Start Grace with swimming lessons (maybe in about six months). Make sure we go to the beach, the pool, the river and maybe a dam. Grace loves the water and so do I. Learn to take pictures underwater, because my new little carry everywhere camera can.
• Try and keep some space in my life for art with Grace, art for me (ideas for wrapping paper and cards) and sewing. Learn to make a quilt. Make some more sewn knitwear, because I really enjoy that.
• Clean the windows. Let the floors, the dusting and the bathroom go, but clean windows, they lift your spirits. Well, they do mine.
• Learn the art of the short blog post. Ha!

Happy 2008 everyone!

And it's now a comfortable 24C (75F). Time for some sleep.

we love it

Last Thursday when I got home from work and before we headed off to Hobart, there was a a parcel waiting for me. It was very exciting, a welcome break in a trying and busy day. Grace helped me with unwrapping and the first thing she said was, we loove it. I'm trying to catch her particular intonation here, because it's very serious, yet also funny and cute. The next two things she said were; it's Grace and then it's Grace's? And I said no, it's for mummy, from one of her friends on the computer.

Grace was OK with that because what's mine is generally hers too, and we put it up on the shelf in the kitchen for everyone to enjoy, next to the yellow rabbit eggcup and blue tea cannister. In the longer term, it's a toss up whether to put this painting above my desk or in the back room near my sewing shelf and where the light falls in particularly pleasing ways. It's a present from Sue at fiveandtwo. A while ago, Sue asked for a photo, and to be honest, I was quite chuffed to be asked. And it prompted me to start learning how to print my pictures. Something that ended up taking quite a few weeks but that I've been meaning to do for ages.

So thank you Sue, we love it!

so is it art and do I care?*

Yesterday morning, as I was drinking my second coffee and checking my email, all relaxed by the public holiday in the middle of the week, I noticed a new commenter. Hmm interesting, I thought. I opened the blog, because I like to read my comments in context, and there it was, the first deliberately unkind comment I've received here.  At the end of the post I wrote about our friend Steve. So I shot off an email;  Yomamma. I'm curious. Why would you go out of your way to comment that someone's photos are crap? Especially on a post where they're writing about a friend dying, and especially after you would have read that another friend just died. It seems like a cruel context in which to make such a comment. To be honest I don't care what you think of my photos. But really, I'm curious why you would write something like that. Please enlighten me. Of course I haven't had a reply (and I realise that there would be nothing to stop a troll using someone elses site name in the comments box) but nonetheless, I am curious.

As I scrolled though the last five posts, I realised that maybe these aren't the best lot of photos I've taken, but I'm more than OK with that. It's a blog, which being diary like in nature, repsonds to life and time and is therefore kind of fleeting and imperfect by it's very nature. Not a coffee table book where every word and image has been laboured over endlessly. Then I started to think about something I read recently about some photos being art and some being just pretty pictures and that if you're churning out the latter, you really shouldn't be representing yourself as an artist. That might be true I suppose, but where do we draw the line? And who gets to draw it? It's very easy when when faced with a great and recognised artwork to say, oh yes that's art. But what about the works the artist made on the way to the great artwork? What about art that is yet to be recognised as great? Is it art if the artist is prolific? And what about art that I don't like, is it art if it's the work of someone reconised as an artist but not if it's from someone unknown? Is blogging an art? Do I really care? I know on some level I do, but I'm a lot less hurt by the comment than I would have expected. It appears that the act of the blogging has made me reform the thick skin I grew in the hurly burly of writing workshops more than a decade ago.That's a good thing.

I love taking photos. Anyone who reads this blog would know that, but what I've come to realise is that I'm a lot more attached to the process of making the picture than I am to the finished result. I like some of the finished results, but once they're done, I just want to go out and take more photos. There's something I really enjoy about looking for the picture. Finding something new to see. Reframing my world. The pictures in this post were taken on the hill around Hobart airport, waiting for a delayed plane. Shan said that the light was all wrong but I dragged him up the hill, saying there's always something. In the end, he thought the tree was the photo and went and collected rubbish and discussed framing and other technical matters. But I liked the ones of the hill without the tree better in the end. He's strictly a film type photographer, but I love the immediacy of digital. And that once you have the camera, it's cheap. But no matter what the process, hanging out with and taking pictures together, that was great. It really was. And I like these pictures, even if I look at them and see some ISO and manual camera issues. Because apart from any minor quibble about technical learning issues, they remind me of the weekend just gone in a sweeter and more sorrowful way than words alone.

If I'm ranting, I guess I'm still in angry mode, not from the comment so much, but from life and loss. It seems to be that every time something sad happens, I travel down that road again; re-visiting old griefs and being mad at myself for feeling like that. It didn't help that work today was extra, extra busy, two days worth of customers and I was keeping all that anger locked inside of me in a tight little ball. Being pleasant and helpful. I suppose that's why people make comments like that, because they have anger inside that has festered. Funnily though, it kind of makes me feel as though I've come of age as a blogger. The trolls are visiting. Pfft.

Anyway, there's two really nice things to look forward to on the weekend. Like really nice, involving fellow bloggers, who I imagine will be really lovely. Actually, I know they will be really lovely. And there will be relaxation and craft. I can't wait. Just one more day at work.

* Yes and Yes/No. If that makes sense.

Updated to add, I've deleted the nasty comment. Meant to before, but have just got around to it. I think the gist of what was said is contained in my response. Which is enough to hold onto.

after shopping

Doing the weekly shop is of those household tasks that I've been trying to offload, without a whole lot of sucess. It's not my favourite thing, going to the supermarket. And week after week there's a sameness about it that bores me senseless. Yet, it's a task that seems to keep coming back to me. G's good at doing midweek shops for bread and other supplies but I seem to have the knack of the big shop. I'm pretty good at choosing the best fruit and veg at a price, and I seem to buy just about the right amount of food. Not so much that we waste it, enough that we don't run out of most things. It drives me batty when we run out of everything all at once during the week and then have to go to the shop before making dinner everynight. Eventhough there's a supermarket and fruit shop within walking distance.

I'm very particular about how I unpack the groceries and stack the fridge. Afterwards, I really enjoy the sight of a freshly filled fridge and a sweet canteloupe on the shelf waiting to be cut up for after dinner. Quite apart from the satisfaction of a neat fridge, it makes me feel very fortunate that we can just go out and do the big shop, without thinking about whether we can afford it this week. At work there's a box in the tea room for us to donate shopping items to send to familes in rural areas affected by the drought. There's been some heartrending accounts from rural colleagues of just how hard people in some areas have been hit. Kids going to school with headlice because there's not enough money for treatments and shampoo. Lots of other stuff too, but for some reason that got to me.

We might complain about how the cost of food is rising every week, but we are still very lucky.

More food for thought here.

 

RIP, the brick

So, my old camera really is gone and I miss her terribly. In a really sentimental way too. I knew without thinking where all the buttons were and most likely how to take a particular shot. I miss the flip out LCD screen (so handy for self portraits and so amusing for the child), how you could turn the flash off in any of the automatic modes and I miss the single autofocus point. I miss knowing what I could and couldn't do. And I miss how the old brick was already a bit battered and seemed to survive all sorts of indignities, like rattling around in the bottom of my bag and being grabbed (and dropped, more than once) by Grace.

Which might have something to do with why she stopped working, why she wouldn't charge up anymore. But she's worked really hard, probably taking at least 150 photos a week for the last year and a bit. And I've taken her nearly everywhere. Just in case there's a few minutes to spare and the urge strikes me. Especially relaxing when I'm tense, like smoking used to be. In a fit of nostalgia, I went back over my archives and found the entry I wrote when I finally figured out how to use the auto focus. What a revelation that was!

This camera became part of how I see my world. A way into a mostly urban landscape that's different everyday eventhough I've been there more than a hundred times before. Something that turns a boring tram ride, even when the camera is tucked away in my bag, into a feast of light and detail.

This week I've been using my Dad's DSLR and that's pretty exciting. It feels pretty special too that he would lend me his camera in such an open ended way. The timing is proably about right too, and there's no doubt that I'll keep seeing new things, but it's harder than I expected letting go of the brick (a theme here? difficulty letting go? hmm?). Anyway, I've been dissappointed with most of the pictures I've taken so far. The new camera is lighter overall than the brick, but bigger and the lens is quite heavy. So there's been a bit of camera shake as I learn how to hold it properly. Not to mention feeling like a dork behind a big camera. And I'm still finding my way around the controls. It's annoying me at this point that I can't turn the flash off in all the auto modes, so I can't do an automatic macro with no flash. And I'm a way off understanding how to use the camera in manual mode.  And you know, it's a bigger, better, much more impressive looking camera, so I expected my pictures to be better. Automatically. When I caught myself thinking that, I laughed inside and relaxed a bit. Learning to use the new camera will be fun if I let it.

So what to do with the brick? It doesn't work anymore and would cost more than a replacement camera to fix, so I can't pass it on or give it to the opshop. Can it be re-cycled? I can't just put it in the bin... poor old brick, she deserves more than that. 

take me to the kittens

Four houses today. Including the stinky house, which Dad went through with me prior to auction. He has an approach to houses which is very detailed and practical. It's the first time it's just been me and him and I learnt alot. All week, I've been flip-flopping about this one. Great location, nice aspect, much potential. Haunting me was the thought it would go really cheap and I'd read the result in the Sunday paper and kick myself. The auction was slow but went well over the reserve and well over the price we could pay for it and realise the vision splendid. It was all a bit shocking really, that people would pay that much for a house probably built during or around the time of the war (an austerity house) with bad plaster work, a crap kitchen and an unbearable odour. So bad that my jacket is still hanging out on the clothesline waiting to be washed tomorrow. It will be interesting to see whether it's pulled down or renovated. And it was a relief to hear my Dad say that it was a good house to consider but I'm also a bit relieved that it really wasn't the one.

There weren't many houses to look at this morning and the first one up was delayed by an hour. So we drove around looking at the other houses on my afternoon's list and visiting garage sales. Getting an idea of the neighborhood, you know. It sounds like an excuse, but you do get to talk to people and hang out. It's also a break and a pleasure in a day that has lots of driving around, the odd tantrum and some quiet bits that aren't really worth going home in. We let Grace choose one or two little toys and some videos, if they're cheap. Today there was one sale that was mostly kid stuff and she scored bigtime, heaps of new books (I chose these), three (!) new videos, a Thomas the Tank engine thing-a-ma-jig and a green dinosaur from the Wiggles. Obviously we're going to have to do a big return to the oppy trip soon. At the next garage sale, G found a very cute tin.

Once Grace settled, I bought a picture which she subsequently decided would be nice in her room. Kittens. And knitting. 

And a book about the history of gardens and plants, full of gorgeous photos and writing that I'll go back to again and again. 20cents!

And, and, and I now have the use of a very flash camera for a while. To see whether I like using a DSLR. It might still be a while before pictures appear here because there's going to be a big learning curve as I've never really used anything other than a point and shoot before, and there's software to set up etcetera. It's very exciting though!

Oh, and one house I saw today is pretty nice. With very special and very brown carpet. In a good area, but maybe not too good. If you know what I mean. And it doesn't smell. Not one little bit.